roflcopter of teh w33k

So I was working one weekend. It's early Saturday evening, and this junior officer comes in. He has a reservation. Good for him. He's a fairly older captain, probably commisioned from the ranks, or just can't cut it as a Senior O, I'm assuming the latter...

I hand him his keys and (joke starts here) he opens his mouth to speak.

"I forgot my boots at home. Is there anyway I can procure any here?"

I put on the fake sympathetic look. "Yeah, base supply, they'll be open on Monday."

"My flight leaves tomorrow morning."

I say nothing. My face is expressionless. Inside my head, I'm saying "That's great." In a sarcastic deadpan tone. And then he does something which I think they teach all the cadets in officer school when they can't get their way, because this isn't the first time: His eyes widen far wider than some of my asian friends could widen their eyes. I widen my eyes with him because my particular brand of asian doesn't have that problem. His widened eyes stare into mine long enough to make me think he wants me to take off my boots... Sorry buddy, you couldn't fill my boots. I cock my head forward in the "not my problem" posture and wait for a response. He finally breaks the silence.

"Is there a duty officer?"

"Yeah."

I give him the number. It seems like every junior officer is trained to be passive-aggressive too. They're like the yuppies of the military. But generally, only the good ones (the ones without a superiority complex) make it past captain. Thank God.

So he's on the phone, telling his sob story to another apathetic individual. After a few m-hms and uh-huhs, he says, "Well, that's what the military has come to hasn't it?" In an irritated condescending voice.

He hangs up and I pretend to ignore the annoyed look on his face, and then he opens his mouth again, as if he hasn't established his shitbirdiness (shitbird is an actual military term by the way, you can ask me what it means).

"Eight to Four. That's what the military has come to." He says to me as I'm working my weekend evening shift. I say nothing to avoid dignifying his statement.

As he walks away, a smirk finally creeps onto my face. Damn, that was hard trying not to laugh.

A message to this shitbird and all future shitbirds: The military doesn't serve you, it serves the people, and you serve the military, ergo you serve the people. Now, how the hell do you expect to serve the people when you forget your boots at home?!? hahahahaha *sigh*

Thirty minutes later, he comes back. He found his boots. Great! Does he apologize to me? Of course not, he just wanted to let me know so I wouldn't be up all night worrying about him flying without boots on.

Would you want somebody who misplaces his boots flying your airplanes?!?

*sigh* hahahaa *cough cough* hahahahaha *sigh, deep breath* hahahahaha *snore*

Disclaimer: The preceeding story is fictional and is intended for entertainment purposes only. Any similarities to actual persons or actual events is entirely coincidental.

There, now I can't get fired. =D

Wonder what I do for a living? I often ask myself the same question. It's kinda like meteorology in the sense that you can get paid pretty well and not really know what you're doing.