Went to see Russell Peters about a week ago. It was well worth the 60 bucks. He made so many filipino jokes too! I couldn't stop laughing when he said the karaoke and mini-van jokes. All his accents were awesome too. And a couple chinese guys I knew were sitting in the front row. The guys I was with knew them too and we looked at each other and thought the exact same thing: If he asks Ding his name, it's over. And he did. And it was. Poor Ding.
"What's your love language, Neil?" Pam asked.
"Food." I replied.
To which everyone unanimously said, "ROFLcopters and LOLerskates."
This happened last year on the Somewhere Else West retreat. We were in our small group and such...
Some other stuff that happened...
I was at the breakfast table one morning sitting beside Nicole Whatsherface. And I reach for the cheese whiz in those little packages and began spreading it on my biscuit...
"EWWWWW" she screamed, as she pointed at my biscuit.
"What?"
"That is sooooo gross."
"What? You don't like cheese?"
"That's not cheese." Jen declared from across the table, shaking her head.
At this point I was kinda miffed that people were nitpicking at my eating habits. I don't go to white people and point out how disgusting they are when they pour soy sauce or spread butter on their rice, do I? You white people MADE the fracking cheez whiz. Why the shazbot would you invent something and then sell it only to point out how disgusting it is when people use it?
Anyway, I felt better after pointing at her face saying EWWWWW, that's not a real face!
Ok, I made that up.
At the end of the week, some people from my small group did a small skit based on me in front to everyone. They did everything wrong. Here's what really happened...
First night: I was tired. I wrote my last exam the night before and wasn't in a very social mood. Kyle asked me to drive some people to their billets. I agreed and brought my car around to the building to pick up some people...
Pam comes up to me and says (keeping in mind I was tired), "Are you my ride?"
"I'm driving Allison and [somebody else I forget her name]."
"So where's my ride?"
"I dunno."
"Does anybody know anything around here?"
I shrugged.
"I'm sorry I'm giving you such a hard time, my name's Pam." She extended her hand towards me to shake.
"Okay." and I walked away.
True story. And yes, she ended up being in my small group. After that everytime she spoke to me, all I said was "*shrug* Okay."
They did another skit about me during small group discussion, right after Bruxy had done a lecture on death issues how Jesus would ask us to give up just the one thing we don't want to give up in order to follow him.
So anyway, Pam asks me, "Neil, what's your death issue?"
"Going to these STUPID MEETINGS!"
True story.
If I go again, I hope I have this same attitude. Otherwise it'll be boring. Right now, the incentives for going are:
-See old friends like Pam *shrug* okay...
-Horseback riding
-Get out of the city
-Horseback riding
-Hear God's voice (if he so chooses)
-Horseback riding
Deterents:
-Costs $300.00+ And no, I will not raise funds
-Pam *shrug* okay... HAHA just kidding Pam.
Often times I feel like venting about my job on this blog, but I'm afraid of getting dooced, so I won't. But I will share something hilarious that happened...
Last night, they reported a leak in one of the buildings, and three rooms got flooded. I had to go over and assess the damage. I'm climbing the stairs, and already I can see the furniture and desks have been moved into the hallway. As I got closer, I notice that the former guests left all this junk food. Caramel popcorn, trail mix, raisins, dried fruit... and MINI-EGGS. And it wasn't in those small packages you get for Easter or Halloween, it was in those massive 2L bags. I thought to myself who would leave mini-eggs behind?!?
So naturally I snuck a taste. Mmm, fat pills (I call them fat pills). I couldn't bear it any longer, I couldn't let this amazing candy go to waste. I opened my jacket pocket and started shovelling them all in. 4 large handfulls worth. I was so cautious too. I was looking around to make sure nobody would catch me (not that it would matter), in case the owner came back for them, because hey, I would have. I heard somebody coming up the stairs and started shovelling them even faster into my pocket.
I thought to myself, "I knew there was a reason I woke up this morning." And how!
As I walked back with a pocket-full of mini-eggs, a smile crept onto my face as I got a flashback of Candace, my best friend during basic. We were in the final two weeks of our course which took place in the field. We were doing night time navigating training. They would drop us off at certain points and we had to find our way back to camp using a map and compass in pitch black. So anyway, Candace, the crafty bugger, instead of having magazines in her mag pouches, she stuffed them with oreos.
"If I'm going to be lost in the middle of nowhere at night, I might as well have oreos instead of empty magazines." That was her argument. It made sense.
I could imagine our instructor's reaction.
"Private Bennett, where are your magazines?"
"I dunno, Master Corporal... Would you like a cookie, Master Corporal?"
Ok, maybe it's not that funny, but it's funny to me, and that's all that counts.
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