Went to see Russell Peters about a week ago. It was well worth the 60 bucks. He made so many filipino jokes too! I couldn't stop laughing when he said the karaoke and mini-van jokes. All his accents were awesome too. And a couple chinese guys I knew were sitting in the front row. The guys I was with knew them too and we looked at each other and thought the exact same thing: If he asks Ding his name, it's over. And he did. And it was. Poor Ding.
ABC
"What's your love language, Neil?" Pam asked.
"Food." I replied.
To which everyone unanimously said, "ROFLcopters and LOLerskates."
This happened last year on the Somewhere Else West retreat. We were in our small group and such...
Some other stuff that happened...
I was at the breakfast table one morning sitting beside Nicole Whatsherface. And I reach for the cheese whiz in those little packages and began spreading it on my biscuit...
"EWWWWW" she screamed, as she pointed at my biscuit.
"What?"
"That is sooooo gross."
"What? You don't like cheese?"
"That's not cheese." Jen declared from across the table, shaking her head.
At this point I was kinda miffed that people were nitpicking at my eating habits. I don't go to white people and point out how disgusting they are when they pour soy sauce or spread butter on their rice, do I? You white people MADE the fracking cheez whiz. Why the shazbot would you invent something and then sell it only to point out how disgusting it is when people use it?
Anyway, I felt better after pointing at her face saying EWWWWW, that's not a real face!
Ok, I made that up.
At the end of the week, some people from my small group did a small skit based on me in front to everyone. They did everything wrong. Here's what really happened...
First night: I was tired. I wrote my last exam the night before and wasn't in a very social mood. Kyle asked me to drive some people to their billets. I agreed and brought my car around to the building to pick up some people...
Pam comes up to me and says (keeping in mind I was tired), "Are you my ride?"
"I'm driving Allison and [somebody else I forget her name]."
"So where's my ride?"
"I dunno."
"Does anybody know anything around here?"
I shrugged.
"I'm sorry I'm giving you such a hard time, my name's Pam." She extended her hand towards me to shake.
"Okay." and I walked away.
True story. And yes, she ended up being in my small group. After that everytime she spoke to me, all I said was "*shrug* Okay."
They did another skit about me during small group discussion, right after Bruxy had done a lecture on death issues how Jesus would ask us to give up just the one thing we don't want to give up in order to follow him.
So anyway, Pam asks me, "Neil, what's your death issue?"
"Going to these STUPID MEETINGS!"
True story.
If I go again, I hope I have this same attitude. Otherwise it'll be boring. Right now, the incentives for going are:
-See old friends like Pam *shrug* okay...
-Horseback riding
-Get out of the city
-Horseback riding
-Hear God's voice (if he so chooses)
-Horseback riding
Deterents:
-Costs $300.00+ And no, I will not raise funds
-Pam *shrug* okay... HAHA just kidding Pam.
ABC
Often times I feel like venting about my job on this blog, but I'm afraid of getting dooced, so I won't. But I will share something hilarious that happened...
Last night, they reported a leak in one of the buildings, and three rooms got flooded. I had to go over and assess the damage. I'm climbing the stairs, and already I can see the furniture and desks have been moved into the hallway. As I got closer, I notice that the former guests left all this junk food. Caramel popcorn, trail mix, raisins, dried fruit... and MINI-EGGS. And it wasn't in those small packages you get for Easter or Halloween, it was in those massive 2L bags. I thought to myself who would leave mini-eggs behind?!?
So naturally I snuck a taste. Mmm, fat pills (I call them fat pills). I couldn't bear it any longer, I couldn't let this amazing candy go to waste. I opened my jacket pocket and started shovelling them all in. 4 large handfulls worth. I was so cautious too. I was looking around to make sure nobody would catch me (not that it would matter), in case the owner came back for them, because hey, I would have. I heard somebody coming up the stairs and started shovelling them even faster into my pocket.
I thought to myself, "I knew there was a reason I woke up this morning." And how!
As I walked back with a pocket-full of mini-eggs, a smile crept onto my face as I got a flashback of Candace, my best friend during basic. We were in the final two weeks of our course which took place in the field. We were doing night time navigating training. They would drop us off at certain points and we had to find our way back to camp using a map and compass in pitch black. So anyway, Candace, the crafty bugger, instead of having magazines in her mag pouches, she stuffed them with oreos.
"If I'm going to be lost in the middle of nowhere at night, I might as well have oreos instead of empty magazines." That was her argument. It made sense.
I could imagine our instructor's reaction.
"Private Bennett, where are your magazines?"
"I dunno, Master Corporal... Would you like a cookie, Master Corporal?"
Ok, maybe it's not that funny, but it's funny to me, and that's all that counts.
Would it be so selfish, so lame to muse
Over past kinships made, old and present?
A small lesson I'll impart, should you choose
Take up my view, it's up to you, consent
Beautiful woman, or beautiful friend
Given chances at earnest expression
Inklings in my heart I hold, non pretend
Hopes of eternal consolidation
Eyes well, you've gone, tears fall, you departed
Double-edged piercing at heart and soul
Pain I've sustained, have too inflicted
Against Jah, who takes me broken or whole
Sorrow, through experience, my tutor
Broken is this world, yet His love is true
Imperfect bride fazes not the suitor
Father, please teach me to love like you doABC
Further to my previous post, the hardest thing I've learned about love is letting go. Generally, I find it easy to part with loved ones provided that there wasn't any tension or problems that came between us. I feel as though it's my duty to part with everybody on good terms. I often worry about people whom I don't hear from for a while, especially if things aren't well between us during the period of silence. I'm learning to let things off my chest more and more. I only wish people would do the same with me. I need people to tell me if they have a problem with me, rather than just hold it in to "spare my feelings". But consider this: How can I make things right if nobody tells me? Don't be passive aggressive, or talk behind my back. CONFRONT ME!
Whoops, sorry. That wasn't directed at anybody... And yet, everybody in general. I wonder a lot about the people whom I've parted with on not so good terms. I wonder what they're doing, who they hang out with now. How amazing their friends may or may not be. Perhaps I think too much. In place of broken relationships, God's grace grants me a second chance by sending more friends. I am so very much thankful for them...
We're doing a Blue Like Jazz bible study at school every Wednesday at 11:30am. It's focusing mainly on culture and faith with the book as kind of an intro and supplement. I've had to read through the book again to remember everything to get better insight at the sessions. So today was my third time reading through it and everytime I read it, I get something new out of it. This will be hard for me to share, but I feel as though I should because I think it matters to the select few who will ever read this.
Lately, as in the past two years lately, I've found it extremely difficult to accept love from people. But I've only realized this until recently. I thought that nothing was wrong with me, like I didn't need as much love as the next guy. You know, share the wealth, I wasn't needy. It's really a shame and after reading through Miller's book again, I realize that nobody should ever consider themselves above God's charity. It all really stems from how I look at myself. Honestly, I don't think too highly of myself and just like Don, I found it hard to see how God really loves me. Well, I knew in my head how he felt about me, but believing from my heart is a different matter altogether. I think this whole thing started since going to my current church, which was about two years ago (coincidence?). For a while, I felt like pretty much an outsider. Like there were two sides: Me, and the white people. It felt like there was an invisible wall for a long time between myself and them. I felt whispers just shy of earshot.
"Don't talk to the brown guy, he's dangerous."
It honestly felt that way, and I would leave every service feeling unfulfilled, like I was wasting gas and time. What I was really lacking was community. Something I hadn't experienced in so long, until last summer with my ultimate frisbee team. We're one of the few teams in the whole league that actually hangs out together outside of games and practices. The thing that struck me the most with this group of people was the fact that they were so accepting. Like, I didn't have to jump through any of their hoops to be one of them. I could tell from the way they asked questions about me that they really liked me and wanted to get to know me. All I needed was a love of the game. It was so refreshing to know that I automatically fit in with some people, like they were my long lost brothers and sisters and I can say or do anything with them, and not feel judged. I'm not saying that I was being judged at church, but it just felt like I had to be or act at a certain standard to be part of my church family.
Our team is notorious for arguing. We've argued so much between each other let alone other teams. But what I love about it is that we're still a team. We get past our differences and still have that bond in the end. And I love the fact that we're all so different from each other, but we value each other's differences. It's very Canadian, like a mosaic, rather than a melting pot, like America. ;p
For those who have read Don Miller's book, my summer family was like the hippies he met in the woods and church was like the summer camp he worked at. And their contrasts echoed very deeply to my soul (chapter 18).
After that summer, I got involved with a small group at church. Though still not on a scale as my crew of fools, I've learned that a lot of the judgement I've felt was all in my head and not being able to accept love, and that they were always willing to dish it out if I could catch it. If you ask me now, I'd say yes, I still have trouble with the big 'L', but I'm working on it.
ABC
Last month, I was at Montana's with some ultimate frisbee teammates, Bunce and Steve. It was right after our first dodgeball game and we got whooped but oh well, I had fun. Our waitress was hot and Steve was being his usual flirtatious self and by the end of the night, as one would expect he asked her an indirect question that would divulge some sort of information as to her relationship status. From experience, I tend to think that it's simply Steve's strong personality that makes some girls, or all waitresses think that he's coming on to them. But I think Steve is just a sweet guy. Most cases, the waitresses are quick to say "Well, my BOYFRIEND says..." always emphasizing the 'B' word. And in some cases I think they just say that so we never ask them for their number. I know better than to ask a waitress for her number unless it's blatantly obvious that she's interested. In other words, never.
Anyway, our conversation then turned to last summer and how amazing it was.
"Last summer was so awesome," I said. "It's easily the second best summer of my life."
"Well," Steve argued. "We'll have to make next summer the best one of your life."
Sweet.
I proposed that we get new jerseys. Something ugly like bright yellow and lime green trim to make the opposition hate us beyond our reputation.
"And how come we don't have music?" I asked. Bunce agreed.
"We should bring a kickin stereo to every game and play the most annoying music."
I began to sing the theme song to Team America: World Police. Bunce and Steve joined in at "FUCK YEAH!" We all shared a chuckle.
Oh how I really do miss the summer. Even right now at this moment as I write this, instead of my mind being focused on studying and assignments, all I can think about is seasoned grilled meat, pale ale, the smell of mosquito repellant, running on the grass, the wind in my hair, and the sun shining on my face. Oh guys, how I miss you so.
"Girls suck, throw discs at them." -Sol Ng, his idea for a T-Shirt in response to "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them."
I still think our practice jersey should be the logo I submitted:
Just give me a dozen white t-shirts and a red permanent marker. And watch the artist go to work!
From Paul the apostle:
"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end."
One thing Paul doesn't mention is that love isn't always fair, and it can be very very painful. That it can be very lopsided.
Looking back at some of the people I love or tried to love, I came to a conclusion: I suck at loving people.
Paul never said that often times, people won't return the same amount of love to you... Yet, it happens. He never said that some will never understand how much you love them because you can't express it in a form that they will accept. He never said that some people will build walls around themselves to shield against incoming love. He never said that some people will dismiss you because you look or act a certain way. He never said that we tend to hurt the ones we love the most. He never said that the most unlovable people in this world are the ones that need the most love... And yet, it's true.
I find it strange that Paul didn't write that much about hate when he himself was the biggest hater for the first part of his life. Why didn't he mention how destructive hate can be? How preferences can lead to intolerance and ultimately hate? How simple disagreements can spawn a world war? I only go this far because the things I hate most about this world are the things I see in myself. "I can't change this world, I can only change myself." This was my mantra for a long time, but I've come to realize that I suck at changing myself too.
I actually wrote this post a long time ago, I just thought I would post it on a day where love is skewed and warped into chocolate and flowers. I think that if Paul were here today when he wrote that chapter, the beginning would go something like this:
"If I send flowers and candy only once a year on a designated day that everybody else did the same thing, then I do not love.
If I reserve a table for two and have a candle-lit dinner and be chivalrous to a tee, but only once a year, then I do not love.
If I make vows on a wedding day and do not keep them and decide to divorce when my marriage isn't going well, or I've lost 'that feeling', then I do not know what love is..."
Paul never said that I can't force anybody to love me back. But I can accept love from the most unexpected of places.
If you're going leave a comment to say how great I am at loving others and that I'm so cool blah blah blah... save it. Just bake me some cookies and I'll understand. OR, here are a number of other ways that you can show that you love me:
-Grill me a steak
-Treat me to wings
-Go to the movies with me
-Play frisbee with me
-Help me roll some sushi
-Wash my car
-Clean up my room
-Buy me a Golden Retriever
-Let me beat you in every video game
-Sing on my karaoke machine while I laugh at you
-Let me hold the remote
-Make me a sandwich
-Let me serve you pancakes (Game: blouses)
-Play spoons with me (and let me move the spoons on you)
-Spoon me (females only, as is, or whilst doing any of the above)
And lastly:
-Write me a letter that says how awesome I am...
and has your bank account # and PIN on it
DU it! DU it!
Seriously. I mean, seriously. Aside from her smile, looks, intelligence, hygiene habits, etc. The biggest factor I find that separates a girl head and shoulders above the rest is her sense of humour. The sad thing is I haven't met that many girls who can make me ROFLMAO (<---ew), which would explain why I'm still single... Other than me being brown, having no game whatsoever, and being a shitty boyfriend; but that's beside the point.
But seriously, where are they? Why can't all girls be like Ellen Degeneres? ... minus the lesbian thing, of course. Maybe that's it! Only lesbians are funny? Why can't I be a lesbian?
I've only met 2 girls (that aren't lesbians) whom I can say have made my sides hurt from laughter - or otherwise. Candace, my best friend during basic is one of them. I find her so amazing. I'll never forget the time we were shopping together one weekend. She pointed to the feminine products line.
"Neil, there's the vagisil you were looking for."
I was totally burned. No comeback whatsoever. All I could say was, "You effer."
True story.
There was another time one of our fellow know-it-all course mates was razzing her during weapons class and she quickly blurted out, "What's that? Encyclopedia-boy has no social skills? Thought so."
The whole room erupted. True story.
What I'm really pissed with is the fact that the majority of girls claim they want a guy who's serious about their relationship and want "chivalry" and "courtship". And the moment we step it up, they recoil in horror claiming we're coming on too strong. Quit being so flippant. That is bar none my biggest turn off with girls and it seems like every girl has it regardless of whether they're just friends or you're looking to get serious with them. Where's the follow-through? Why is it always up to the guy to initiate everything? Is this not the golden age of feminism? Why don't you call ME for once?
"I don't want to look desperate by calling."
Yeah? Well I don't want you to look so flippant. Get over yourself. If you wanna hang out, just call. Did you know that 99.9% of guys are totally chill when you call? We don't assume anything. We're stupid. You have to hit us over the head with a club and drag us home for us to see through it. Have you ever considered that some guys just want to be friends too?
That's one of the problems with Christianity I think. Christians get married a lot earlier than secular couples because they want to have sex. They're not willing to make preparations for the rest of their life, they're just horny. More often than not, they realize they've married the wrong person and it ends ugly.
Am I idealistic? Yes, but not as much as girls are. Case in point:
Everybody knows at least a couple girls who think we should revert back to the napoleonic war era and that everybody should act like Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. No need to bother considering realistically that women were treated as trophies back then and once they were won, they were put on the shelf to collect dust and be ignored. No need to bother considering that Pride and Prejudice was written by a woman, because hey, you're a woman too. All men should grovel at your feet like some sort of lopsided feminism. But let's be honest, feminism always had a double standard. Don't believe me? You will.
News flash: Mr. Darcy is a fictional character and doesn't exist. Neither does your romantic world. The closest you'll ever get to is Don Quixote. You've all embraced the idea that women are empowered just as much as men are, so why not pull your own weight when it comes to dating? Why don't YOU ask me out? Why don't YOU call first? Why don't YOU pay for my dinner? Why don't YOU send me flowers/letters? And most of all, why don't YOU make me laugh? FRICK! FRACK! MIERDA! SCHEIZE! ESTICALISSTABERNAC!
"You need to meet girls, Neil." -Janet Lee
I don't want to meet girls. I want to meet ladies. Hilarious ladies. </rant>
This past week, Steve, my weightlifting buddy and ultimate frisbee teammate/coach gave me the assignment of smiling and saying hi to a pretty girl I see at school, on the bus, or wherever. I must admit that it totally slips my mind in the morning when I'm on the bus, at school, in class writing down notes and thinking about my assignments. Steve's assignment didn't queue in. The things that I do remember to do are the things that happen subconciously, out of habit. One particular habit: Opening/holding doors for people. Last week, I held the door for a girl holding a steaming cup coffee whose aroma you could see dance in the crisp winter air. I didn't hold the door because she was holding a coffee, but because I had already held it for the previous girl before her. Her blue eyes lit up. Her lips parted to reveal a mouth full of braces. It was the most grateful and most beautiful smile I have seen in a while. It made my day/week/month.
Disclaimer: If any of the above made you angry, good.
It's funny how my most profound thoughts come forth from the most unlikely or inappropriate of places. Sitting on the throne, in the shower, in a room full of people, slacking off at work... If it wasn't for this amazing save draft feature on blogger, I'd have a post up every day hour. So I've come to another shift in thinking in terms of perpective. I could go through a myriad of details and turning points or subtle hints that have been nagging at me, but to put it simply: I need to get out of here.
I think I've forgotten why I'm walking on this earth. I need to go see the world. But where? How? Well, next year, I think I'll take my own advice for once and take the year off school. I've sent a request to the higher ups at my job to see if there are any positions available overseas. If things go well, I could be gone for a while. Would you be sad if I left? Don't be. I won't.
I want to be relevant. I want to make a difference. Even if it's only to one person at a time. As long as I know that I'm not just a number. Not some inconsequential strand in history. I want a steak dinner. More to follow as it progresses.
In the past I've said that one of the reasons I left xanga was because of its demographic immaturity and its "tag you're it" crap. Completely unoriginal and passé in terms of blogging. BUT, since I'm such a nice guy, Rachel, this is for you:
4 3 Jobs I've had (I've only had 3!):
Order processing/Paging operator
LBE Summer Staff
Canadian Forces Reserves
Not an exciting resumé but my job description in the military has changed so many times, that it feels like multiple jobs... which is probably why I'm still in. My most memorable position was working for Wing Ops Training teaching classes with weapons, first aid, and NBCD (gas masks). We'd be on the range 2-3 times a week riding ATV's or playing enemy force for trainees and having a BBQ every Friday followed by having the rest of the afternoon off. It honestly felt like a grown-up summer camp with rifles and thunder flashes.
4 movies I can watch over and over (there's more than 4 but here's the top 4. For an exhaustive list, see my profile):
Amélie
Forrest Gump
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (new and old)
When Harry Met Sally
4 places I have lived in:
'Peg, embee
Calgary, AB
Borden, ON
Sydney, NSW, AUS
4 places I've vacationed:
Philippines
Disney World
Jonquière, QC
Last Thursday, visiting my 10 week old niece. She tries to talk to me but I don't understand her. I pretend like I do though and answer with a smile and "Yes, I agree, your grandma is scary." (I dropped my Tue/Thu class, so now it's always a vacation. weeeee!)
4 of my favourite dishes (this one is top 4 as well):
sushi
gyros
goat roti
tiramisu
4 places I'd rather be right now:
Anywhere/everywhere in Europe
On a train going from Halifax to Vancouver (with day-or-two stops in between, and perhaps back again)
New Zealand skiing and scuba diving in the same day
Hiking in Banff or Alaska (or Banff TO Alaska)
4 sites I visit daily:
google
gmail (want an account? Just ask.)
Waiter Rant
30 foot layout (almost everyday)
4 books I could rebuy?:
Blue Like Jazz (and have)
Life of Pi
The Message
Where The Wild Things Are
Sorry Rach, I'm not tagging anybody, that's my compromise. But thanks for making me feel special! ^^*
