Thursday, July 14, 2005

Hermit Mode: Engaged.

The room is in shambles, my bathroom's filthy. I haven't done my laundry in two weeks. I generally feel like shit. I dunno what's happened, nor can I try to explain. My passion is gone. Food has lost its flavour, songs have lost their meaning. Friends at this point seem... well, pointless. And worst of all... is that I miss Him.

"Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you can get back up."
-Alana Fife, my old high school friend
Indeed, I have hit rock bottom. Or have I? Kinda scary if I haven't.

I'm mad at Him. Disappointed in some major things that have happened in my life. Angry that He never answers me. I haven't heard His voice in years. Do I dare say that I don't love Him anymore? I miss the passion that I used to have. All I wanted in life was to be happy. But I still don't know what makes me happy. I'm frightened to death that I might not ever know. All I wanted from Him was to tell me what I should do. Give me a vision, like You did, 6 years ago.

Her name is Hunter. She's an idealist, like me. She's in the military, like me. Grew up in Winnipeg, like me. Works in the same office, like me. Funny how when I asked her what an idealist like her was doing in the military, she had the same answer, like me: "I don't know."

Wyatt Earp: All I ever wanted was to live a normal life.

Doc Holiday: There's no normal life, Wyatt, there's just life. Now live it, up to the hilt.

Pray for me?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

"As Jesus went on from there, he sww a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector's booth. 'Follow me,' he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him" (Mt. 9:9)

"Then Jesus came to them and said, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go [live] and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Mt. 28:18-20).

"...you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth" Acts 1:9).

Anonymous said...

i'm praying for you. we all lose faith sometimes... he's always there for when you come back to him.