Seriously. I mean, seriously. Aside from her smile, looks, intelligence, hygiene habits, etc. The biggest factor I find that separates a girl head and shoulders above the rest is her sense of humour. The sad thing is I haven't met that many girls who can make me ROFLMAO (<---ew), which would explain why I'm still single... Other than me being brown, having no game whatsoever, and being a shitty boyfriend; but that's beside the point.
But seriously, where are they? Why can't all girls be like Ellen Degeneres? ... minus the lesbian thing, of course. Maybe that's it! Only lesbians are funny? Why can't I be a lesbian?
I've only met 2 girls (that aren't lesbians) whom I can say have made my sides hurt from laughter - or otherwise. Candace, my best friend during basic is one of them. I find her so amazing. I'll never forget the time we were shopping together one weekend. She pointed to the feminine products line.
"Neil, there's the vagisil you were looking for."
I was totally burned. No comeback whatsoever. All I could say was, "You effer."
True story.
There was another time one of our fellow know-it-all course mates was razzing her during weapons class and she quickly blurted out, "What's that? Encyclopedia-boy has no social skills? Thought so."
The whole room erupted. True story.
What I'm really pissed with is the fact that the majority of girls claim they want a guy who's serious about their relationship and want "chivalry" and "courtship". And the moment we step it up, they recoil in horror claiming we're coming on too strong. Quit being so flippant. That is bar none my biggest turn off with girls and it seems like every girl has it regardless of whether they're just friends or you're looking to get serious with them. Where's the follow-through? Why is it always up to the guy to initiate everything? Is this not the golden age of feminism? Why don't you call ME for once?
"I don't want to look desperate by calling."
Yeah? Well I don't want you to look so flippant. Get over yourself. If you wanna hang out, just call. Did you know that 99.9% of guys are totally chill when you call? We don't assume anything. We're stupid. You have to hit us over the head with a club and drag us home for us to see through it. Have you ever considered that some guys just want to be friends too?
That's one of the problems with Christianity I think. Christians get married a lot earlier than secular couples because they want to have sex. They're not willing to make preparations for the rest of their life, they're just horny. More often than not, they realize they've married the wrong person and it ends ugly.
Am I idealistic? Yes, but not as much as girls are. Case in point:
Everybody knows at least a couple girls who think we should revert back to the napoleonic war era and that everybody should act like Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. No need to bother considering realistically that women were treated as trophies back then and once they were won, they were put on the shelf to collect dust and be ignored. No need to bother considering that Pride and Prejudice was written by a woman, because hey, you're a woman too. All men should grovel at your feet like some sort of lopsided feminism. But let's be honest, feminism always had a double standard. Don't believe me? You will.
News flash: Mr. Darcy is a fictional character and doesn't exist. Neither does your romantic world. The closest you'll ever get to is Don Quixote. You've all embraced the idea that women are empowered just as much as men are, so why not pull your own weight when it comes to dating? Why don't YOU ask me out? Why don't YOU call first? Why don't YOU pay for my dinner? Why don't YOU send me flowers/letters? And most of all, why don't YOU make me laugh? FRICK! FRACK! MIERDA! SCHEIZE! ESTICALISSTABERNAC!
"You need to meet girls, Neil." -Janet Lee
I don't want to meet girls. I want to meet ladies. Hilarious ladies. </rant>
This past week, Steve, my weightlifting buddy and ultimate frisbee teammate/coach gave me the assignment of smiling and saying hi to a pretty girl I see at school, on the bus, or wherever. I must admit that it totally slips my mind in the morning when I'm on the bus, at school, in class writing down notes and thinking about my assignments. Steve's assignment didn't queue in. The things that I do remember to do are the things that happen subconciously, out of habit. One particular habit: Opening/holding doors for people. Last week, I held the door for a girl holding a steaming cup coffee whose aroma you could see dance in the crisp winter air. I didn't hold the door because she was holding a coffee, but because I had already held it for the previous girl before her. Her blue eyes lit up. Her lips parted to reveal a mouth full of braces. It was the most grateful and most beautiful smile I have seen in a while. It made my day/week/month.
Disclaimer: If any of the above made you angry, good.
4 comments:
guilty as charged...not funny, and a pro at the mind games. at least i admit it. :)
Amen Brother! Preach!
Do you know what would make women funny: they should have to wear clown shoes and a red ball nose. First of all, they would lose their powers of attractiveness, which they use in place of humour. Second, to counter for the embarrassment they would have to be funny. Heck, this is why clowns are funny. Really, though, it seems that girls are funny around girls - they better be, due to the frequency of some of the 'giggle fests' that I have witnessed. But when guys are around most girls lose their comfortability with their own sense of humour. Come on girls, we like to laugh, show us you can do it!
Thanks for the Luv,
Just wanted to point out you said I said "Neil, there's the vagisal you've been looking for". For the sake of historical accuracy I think it is improtant to point out I have never called you Niel. Your name, to me has always been Bobbi ElCameno. I also think for historical accuracy it should be pointed out that EVERYBODY looked at you and laughed (some pointed). I love you Bobbi and I wish you all the best, people like you are few and far between.
CANDACE
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