Oh summer, where art thou?

Would it be so selfish, so lame to muse
Over past kinships made, old and present?
A small lesson I'll impart, should you choose
Take up my view, it's up to you, consent

Beautiful woman, or beautiful friend
Given chances at earnest expression
Inklings in my heart I hold, non pretend
Hopes of eternal consolidation

Eyes well, you've gone, tears fall, you departed
Double-edged piercing at heart and soul
Pain I've sustained, have too inflicted
Against Jah, who takes me broken or whole

Sorrow, through experience, my tutor
Broken is this world, yet His love is true
Imperfect bride fazes not the suitor
Father, please teach me to love like you do

ABC

Further to my previous post, the hardest thing I've learned about love is letting go. Generally, I find it easy to part with loved ones provided that there wasn't any tension or problems that came between us. I feel as though it's my duty to part with everybody on good terms. I often worry about people whom I don't hear from for a while, especially if things aren't well between us during the period of silence. I'm learning to let things off my chest more and more. I only wish people would do the same with me. I need people to tell me if they have a problem with me, rather than just hold it in to "spare my feelings". But consider this: How can I make things right if nobody tells me? Don't be passive aggressive, or talk behind my back. CONFRONT ME!

Whoops, sorry. That wasn't directed at anybody... And yet, everybody in general. I wonder a lot about the people whom I've parted with on not so good terms. I wonder what they're doing, who they hang out with now. How amazing their friends may or may not be. Perhaps I think too much. In place of broken relationships, God's grace grants me a second chance by sending more friends. I am so very much thankful for them...

We're doing a Blue Like Jazz bible study at school every Wednesday at 11:30am. It's focusing mainly on culture and faith with the book as kind of an intro and supplement. I've had to read through the book again to remember everything to get better insight at the sessions. So today was my third time reading through it and everytime I read it, I get something new out of it. This will be hard for me to share, but I feel as though I should because I think it matters to the select few who will ever read this.

Lately, as in the past two years lately, I've found it extremely difficult to accept love from people. But I've only realized this until recently. I thought that nothing was wrong with me, like I didn't need as much love as the next guy. You know, share the wealth, I wasn't needy. It's really a shame and after reading through Miller's book again, I realize that nobody should ever consider themselves above God's charity. It all really stems from how I look at myself. Honestly, I don't think too highly of myself and just like Don, I found it hard to see how God really loves me. Well, I knew in my head how he felt about me, but believing from my heart is a different matter altogether. I think this whole thing started since going to my current church, which was about two years ago (coincidence?). For a while, I felt like pretty much an outsider. Like there were two sides: Me, and the white people. It felt like there was an invisible wall for a long time between myself and them. I felt whispers just shy of earshot.

"Don't talk to the brown guy, he's dangerous."

It honestly felt that way, and I would leave every service feeling unfulfilled, like I was wasting gas and time. What I was really lacking was community. Something I hadn't experienced in so long, until last summer with my ultimate frisbee team. We're one of the few teams in the whole league that actually hangs out together outside of games and practices. The thing that struck me the most with this group of people was the fact that they were so accepting. Like, I didn't have to jump through any of their hoops to be one of them. I could tell from the way they asked questions about me that they really liked me and wanted to get to know me. All I needed was a love of the game. It was so refreshing to know that I automatically fit in with some people, like they were my long lost brothers and sisters and I can say or do anything with them, and not feel judged. I'm not saying that I was being judged at church, but it just felt like I had to be or act at a certain standard to be part of my church family.

Our team is notorious for arguing. We've argued so much between each other let alone other teams. But what I love about it is that we're still a team. We get past our differences and still have that bond in the end. And I love the fact that we're all so different from each other, but we value each other's differences. It's very Canadian, like a mosaic, rather than a melting pot, like America. ;p

For those who have read Don Miller's book, my summer family was like the hippies he met in the woods and church was like the summer camp he worked at. And their contrasts echoed very deeply to my soul (chapter 18).

After that summer, I got involved with a small group at church. Though still not on a scale as my crew of fools, I've learned that a lot of the judgement I've felt was all in my head and not being able to accept love, and that they were always willing to dish it out if I could catch it. If you ask me now, I'd say yes, I still have trouble with the big 'L', but I'm working on it.

ABC

Last month, I was at Montana's with some ultimate frisbee teammates, Bunce and Steve. It was right after our first dodgeball game and we got whooped but oh well, I had fun. Our waitress was hot and Steve was being his usual flirtatious self and by the end of the night, as one would expect he asked her an indirect question that would divulge some sort of information as to her relationship status. From experience, I tend to think that it's simply Steve's strong personality that makes some girls, or all waitresses think that he's coming on to them. But I think Steve is just a sweet guy. Most cases, the waitresses are quick to say "Well, my BOYFRIEND says..." always emphasizing the 'B' word. And in some cases I think they just say that so we never ask them for their number. I know better than to ask a waitress for her number unless it's blatantly obvious that she's interested. In other words, never.

Anyway, our conversation then turned to last summer and how amazing it was.

"Last summer was so awesome," I said. "It's easily the second best summer of my life."

"Well," Steve argued. "We'll have to make next summer the best one of your life."

Sweet.

I proposed that we get new jerseys. Something ugly like bright yellow and lime green trim to make the opposition hate us beyond our reputation.

"And how come we don't have music?" I asked. Bunce agreed.

"We should bring a kickin stereo to every game and play the most annoying music."

I began to sing the theme song to Team America: World Police. Bunce and Steve joined in at "FUCK YEAH!" We all shared a chuckle.

Oh how I really do miss the summer. Even right now at this moment as I write this, instead of my mind being focused on studying and assignments, all I can think about is seasoned grilled meat, pale ale, the smell of mosquito repellant, running on the grass, the wind in my hair, and the sun shining on my face. Oh guys, how I miss you so.

"Girls suck, throw discs at them." -Sol Ng, his idea for a T-Shirt in response to "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them."

I still think our practice jersey should be the logo I submitted:


Just give me a dozen white t-shirts and a red permanent marker. And watch the artist go to work!