Rekindled

Another chapter will begin in my life. I will be away for sometime. This blog has been long forgotten and I feel as though I can express my thoughts again. I could always start a new blog I guess and not tell anybody but I'm too lazy to do something like that. ;p

Anyway, like I was saying, I'll be working overseas for 6 months. It should be exciting, and I'm looking forward to the challenge. A friend who recently heard I was leaving told me, "You're gonna miss everybody."

"What do you mean?" I replied.

"You know, you're gonna miss everybody."

I had never thought of that.

"I guess so," I said. "Well, I don't think I'll miss anybody, per se, I'm more afraid of being forgotten, if that makes sense..."

"Yeah, it does."

And I believe this is still true. I don't think I will miss anybody. It sounds cold, I know, but I don't really 'miss' somebody as much as I would worry about somebody. Take my parents, for instance. They have a second house that needs drastic renovations, they've started a lot of the demo and fixed some foundation problems, and have done some extensive work on the house, but I worry about them in their old age. They shouldn't be working so hard. I might enlist some help from my church to do the bulk of the work while my dad takes it easy.

My sister recently separated from her husband. Left with an empty bank account, and four kids to take care of. And she's stuck paying off a loan taken out by her pussy husband.

These are the things I will think about. Not my friends, who have given me life lessons and pleasent memories. I will not miss my friends, because I know they'll be fine.

Why would they forget, you ask? I think because I've become complacent with their perception of me. I'm not sure if I'm just taken for granted or what, but more and more it seems like I'm not appreciated within my circles. From my white friends I get that impression that I'm that token brown guy to be ignored and poked fun at whenever conversations run dry. My brown friends give me that vibe like I'm not worth hanging out with. None of them ever call me anymore, and when I call them to hang out I always get the "Who else is going?" answer.

Perhaps this is the real reason I won't miss anybody.

Either way, I know I'll be forgotten when I'm gone, and I guess at this point, I'm not so scared anymore. I can find myself again and reassert my identity when I get back. Perhaps find some new and better friends~