Random Pewp AKA Relationships

While watching an editorial on SUV's on tv, I learned that the Nissan Xterra (the SUV I would buy if I were to buy an SUV) has the worst rollover rate during traffic accidents.

Today, while listening to the radio, I learned that a recent survey was done and one of the questions asked was "Do you care about how much money your significant other makes?" An astounding 83% of women said that they don't care how much their man makes. I'd say this study is about 17% accurate. A lady called into the radio show to argue and she asked what men would say if they were posed the same question. My answer would be the same as every other male in North America: What does she look like?

But seriously, Pam from my church asked me a while back what I was looking for in a girl. I was too shy to tell her. She finally coaxed it out of me and my response was "Well, I like a girl with nice boobs and a big ass - but not too big. You know, just a nice firm handful, ghetto booty is far too much for me."

But seriously... I've been single for so long I don't know what I need let alone want. Here's a new list I've made, not unlike the list I made a couple years ago...

1)Makes me laugh. Somebody who 'gets' me and vice versa. Pam says "It's funny how everybody wants somebody who's smart and funny." Well, yeah, I don't want to be bored the rest of my life. But this is really hard. I've honestly only met 2 girls in my lifetime who were able to accomplish this. Perhaps that's why I've been single for so long... chasing a unicorn.

2)Is fun. Again, going with the 'don't want to be bored' theme. But this is very important, and is quite distinct from being funny. When I say fun, I mean, she's a pleasure to be around regardless of what we're doing. You know, snowboarding, canoeing, camping, fishing, at the museum/local art show, at a rock concert, watching a movie, cleaning the house, fighting crime, protecting the innocent, filing taxes... No matter what we're doing, her attitude should always be positive and enthusiastic. This obviously isn't possible all the time, so I'll give exceptions for heavy flow days. I'm a sensitive guy, what can I say?

3)Somebody who believes in me. I used to be so passionate about so many things. Now I'm an old cynical bastard. I want somebody who can show me the good in this world again, and make me believe that even one person can make a difference.

That's all there is. Is that so hard for a girl? Not really.

Yeah, I bet you're asking "But Neil, what about her looks? lol."

A winning smile always makes my heart skip a beat.

And I like a girl with nice boobs and a big ass - but not too big. You know, just a nice firm handful, ghetto booty is far too much for me.

But seriously.

I'm starting to think that I'm the reason I'm still single. I dunno why... I shower and brush my teeth everyday. I'm kind and courteous to every girl I meet. I think it's because I'm brown. Yeah, definitely. I just need to move to a place where people aren't so racist. Stupid honkeys.

But seriously.

Being single is so liberating. Watching other couples definitely teaches me a lot about myself and what I'd like in a relationship. There are some couples I've met that make me jealous of them, and there are far more couples I know that make me glad that I'm oh-so-very single. I think, to put it simply, I want a relationship like the former. It doesn't have to be all lovey-dovey all the time, just to the extent that when people see us together, they think we're crazy and made for each other and would always have good things to say about us. The kind of couple that people want to be around. A couple that impacts people positively and makes them absurdly jealous. Yeah? Well, back to unicorn chasing. I will cut off her horn, I will. Anybody see that movie 'Legend' with Tom Cruise? Never mind SHUT UP!


Carmen Kass is a supermodel and chess champion. In other words, if she was ugly, she'd still be rich. ;p