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The following is a collection of thoughts I've accumulated since about oh... I dunno, January? I never clicked on the "publish" button because I was either too lazy or too self-conscious about these things. I know I've been much more open and personal with previous posts, but the following are things that speak deeply about me as a person and my identity. I know I've picked up a few readers over the past few months, and perhaps that's another reason why I've been apprehensive about publishing this one. Anyway, on with the show...

We've been reduced to a world
A world comprised of silicone and microchips
We've been reduced to a world
A world devoid of human interaction

Expressions, mannerisms, subtleties, intonation;
Tastes colours smells
Reduced to digital input and output
Zeros and ones, left to our own interpretation

Even words are but binary coding
Melted down... into science
ASCII, where is the feeling?
Cold hard math

Digi-friend
Digital dream?
Schizophrenia
Imaginary or real?

Where is the embrace to remind us of our humanity?

These monkeys have created a dimension
Painted in pastels and rosy tones
One can interact with another
Without getting hurt

But it's only after enduring and recognizing
Pain is what make us human

Not monkeys.

ABC
I've been reading some random strangers' blogs lately. I don't really know why. I've been really hooked on a particular one (I'm not gonna say who !XOBILE). It's not that great or amazing nor does it have any interesting pictures. I've never met this person nor would I pretend that had we met in person, we would be friends. But there's just something about this particular one that's screaming out. Screaming to be heard, but nobody is there to listen. And I suppose that I see a little bit of myself in these words. Somebody screaming to be heard.

What will your verse say?

It's almost as if I'm reading to give this person life. This fellow human being wanting so much to be validated in their thoughts and feelings. To have the assurance that they have been confirmed of their existence in their minute sand pebble's drop in the hourglass eternity... Although they will probably never know it, I'm listening.

That's where I'm at these days. Still hopeful, but uninspired. Positive, but unmotivated. A select few with whom I share fond memories with are still missed, but new people have emerged to make more 'fond memories'. I think I'm turning into Hannah and becoming more and more enigmatic. I will stop.

Suffice it to say that life is good, school sucks, and summer is going to rock hardcore.

ABC
I was watching this documentary the other day about workaholics. They interviewed this couple that is so caught up with work that they never verbally communicate anymore. They live in the same house, and raise a child together, but they spend the bulk of their time in their home offices working away. When they do need to talk, they IM each other while they're in the SAME HOUSE! Their daughter is 2.5 years old and her favourite toy is a BLACKBERRY!

I'm really worried about North America where everything is becoming increasingly automated. I'm afraid of the day when every number I dial, a machine will pick up. Technology should serve us, not the other way around. More and more, I long for the sound of the wind in the trees, rushing rivers, and birds calling to each other. I long to paddle across a still lake and gaze upon the reflecting horizon as I look out across the water. I yearn to be beside close friends as we camp on an island in the middle of nowhere with no agenda, except to relax and enjoy each other's company; as we sit around a fire recounting and reminiscing over old stories. Somebody would strum a guitar and we would join in singing old songs from youth's past. And perhaps, when all is quiet, the Creator would come visit, and tell me why things are the way they are, why He permits evil to exist, and how He's bigger than all of the drama. Maybe He would tell me how He did not intend for us to be puppets, and what He wanted was for us to be individual living beings that can feel pain and joy and to live in community. And though He's never specifically told me why He created me and put me in my particular situation, perhaps He'll give me a sense of peace and remind me that He's still in control of everything... And in the end, everything will be okay.



Summer is fast approaching. I don't know how much I'll be posting during this time. My friend Heather said that "the more interesting your life is, the less likely you are to update a blog." I've never verbally admitted this, but deep down I knew it to be true. No news is good news. My photolog will definitely be active. I've always loved pictures more than words. I think that's why I'm not an avid reader. I won't be posting very often. To those who know me, you know how to reach me. If all goes well, this post could be my last.

"For you I'd wait forever
Because I know that one day we'll be together
Maybe it's because you know I'll wait
You know I'll wait
I'm still waiting" -311

Au revoir, ma belle!
-Neilly