Me vs Calgary

Had last weekend off from work, went to Cow-Town for an ultimate frisbee tournament. One of the most inspiring weekends of my life. For many, it was a big drunken orgy. But for me, it was way more than that. A chance to get away and not think about my daily routines and responsibilities. Our team went undefeated on Saturday, and then lost to a very quick but very spirited team in the semi-finals on Sunday. I'm glad we lost this way. They were such a great team and so fun to play with. Not like the team we played before them. Much too intense. There were so many accidents that game. I smoked a girl (whom I didn't see coming from behind), and another guy on their team got smoked in the face by the frisbee. But they were all accidental, yet they started cussing out making it look like our fault. The girl I smoked launched an F-bomb as she lay on the ground, and all the remorse I felt soon evaporated. But all in all, I haven't had so much fun in so long.

Funny stuff:

Rachel: hey, do you remember what i started calling you when i finally realized that you weren't ever gonna call me rebecca?

Neil: Nelson.

Rachel: ahhhhhhh...i had forgotten THANK YOU NELSON!

Neil: np

Rachel: lol, how're you doing?

Neil: I was playing with nelson over the weekend actually

Rachel: did you see tyson when you were in alb?

Neil: you know nelson chan?

Rachel: nope

Neil: who's tyson?

Rachel: tyson from nav's?

Neil: oh that tyson. no. i was in an ultimate tournament

Rachel: fun! ... do you know (blanked out as per Rachel's request)?

Neil: we went to china town saturday night ... no i don't

Rachel: :(

Neil: and i got fishballs

Rachel: he plays ultimate and he's a really hot doctor!

Neil: and chinese pork buns

Rachel: "slash" med student ... nice... were they good? i don't like fish so much. "not so good al..."

Neil: and curry puff cakes ... and then we went back and had dinner at the ulti event ... and then there was bbq chicken, ribs, and pot roast ... and taco salad ... and coleslaw ... and baked potatoes with all the trimmings

Rachel: and you ate a lot i see

Neil: and then we had free beer*

Rachel: always good

Neil: they kept coming by the pitchers

Rachel: but not for me b/c i hate beer

Neil: and then we went back to china town

Rachel: and you got wicked drunk

Neil: and had noodles

Rachel: and sobered up

Neil: and curry noodles

Rachel: and i'm having my own convo while you talk about food

Neil: i didn't get crazy drunk

Rachel: just a little sloshed.... :p

Neil: i had a couple coolers and i had a buzz going ... but not drunk

Rachel: yechhhh.

Neil: we were all in the van on the way to china town ... and we were all buzzed or drunk ... except the driver of course

Rachel: good to know

Neil: because he was training for master's league ... anyway everything we said in the van was hilarious because we were messed ... and i started talking with a chinese accent because the driver was chinese ... and i kept calling him anko ... uncle with a chinese accent

Rachel: nasty boy

Neil: and then i suggested we go to banff ... and everybody cheered

Rachel: you're nuts

Neil: except for the driver ... so we just ate noodles ... and i went to bed all bloated from food and alcohol

Rachel: +o(

Neil: and i took 2 dumps and 3 leaks the next morning

Rachel: i feel sick just reading that ... things i don't want nor need to know

Neil: the best weekend of my life

Rachel: pitiful ... :p

Neil: you're just jealous you didn't have fun

Rachel: lol

Neil: because the company made it so great ... it wasn't the food or the beer or even the ultimate ... it was the people ... i've never met such spirited people on or off the field ... christians can learn from their example

Rachel: what? to drink and behave stupidly?

Neil: no, to be great sportsman despite losing and always complimenting the other team when they do well ... to have a great sense of humour and being able to laugh about themselves when they screw up ... having grace for other people when they get injured and clapping them off when they get off the field

Rachel: oh, that's good.

*Contrary to popular belief, beer does not taste better when it's free.

Regret

My weary mind tends to wander every once in a while... to the past. I wonder how things would be like if only I had done this. If only I had said this. Or even, if only I hadn't. I guess I'm still trying to figure out which is worse: wrongful action, or wrongful inaction. I want to believe that the latter is, but it sure doesn't feel that way. One thing's for certain, the only thing worse than these two things combined is a really good and vivid memory.

The next day...

I awoke from my nap. I clambered up the steps and looked out the window. I groan from exhaustion. Not from physical exhaustion, but from sleeping too long. The week has gone by so fast. A devilish whirl of disappointments turned hopeful by the meeting of unexpected old friends. More remnants of my past. We talk. I feel connected to this world once more. Fond memories no longer feel like dreams - and yet, at this point seem all too surreal. Was I meant to be happy? Was anybody meant to be happy? Were all these unexpected turns in my life actually part of something greater? My heart wants desperately to believe so, but the world around me tells me "No, Neil. This is simply life. It's fucked up. Get over it."

And then I think about all the people I've met, how they've all impacted me one way or another. Would I have met these great and wonderful people had I not strayed from the road of ambition and selfishness? The answer is a clear and resounding no. And so I count my blessings for all the people I've met. Whether it was a dream or not, my memory keeps them alive in my heart. I sit and I pray.

I turned my head and saw yet another wisp of smoke on its way to nothingness: a solitary person, completely alone - no children, no family, no friends - yet working obsessively late into the night, compulsively greedy for more and more, never bothering to ask, "Why am I working like a dog, never having any fun? And who cares?" More smoke. A bad business.

It's better to have a partner than go alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there's no one to help, tough!

Two in bed warm each other.
Alone, you shiver all night.

By yourself you're unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped.

-Ecclesiastes 4:7-12

I've made up my mind. The goal is clear. I seek...

A best friend - with benefits.

...not those kinds of benefits, silly!

Team photo minus Captain

Team photo minus Captain
Originally uploaded by Niaru.

Still undefeated, BOTCH!

Ewe dew

Yesterday: Rain.
Today: Rain.
Next week: Rain.

Of course it would be nice to have the sun while playing outside. But lately, I've begun to appreciate this life-giving precipitation. All this rainfall reminded me of one of God's promises.

"Job*, are you listening? Have you noticed all this?
Stop in your tracks! Take in God's miracle-wonders!
Do you have any idea how God does it all,
how he makes bright lightning from dark storms,
How he piles up the cumulus clouds -
all these miracle-wonders of a perfect Mind?
Why, you don't even know how to keep cool
on a sweltering day,
So how could you even dream
of making a dent in that hot-tin-roof-sky?"
-Job 37:14-18

*I like to change Job's name for mine, whenever I read his book. Try it with yours!

Bought a cd...



I likes.

And what's the deal with Coldplay? Why is everybody so into them? Do people think it makes them so cool just because they listen to Coldplay? Gross.

*hides newly bought Coldplay cd behind back, innocent smile*

Friends?

Lots of things have been happening this week. A crazy storm in my life. But I know I'll get through it somehow. He's taken me thus far already. And I know from experience that He's in control of everything. All I can do... is smile.

I've been contemplating lately about all my friends. Are relationships just borne out of convenience? Like in high school, I was in french immersion and so our class was together ever since kindergarten. We've been through ups and downs and after we graduated, that was it. I haven't seen any of them since - except for a couple guys whom I still barely keep in touch with. We meet up like twice a year and we carry on like nothing's changed and we reminisce about the good old days. But it's saddening that we don't hang out often because I really enjoy their company.

It seems to me that friends are friends until they stop trying. I keep saying to myself: If I really love this person, I won't give up on them, because God never gave up on me. Even still, it's hard to keep trying, because these eyes of mine don't see very far. And what happens when they don't try? It's like that person passed away. Gone forever... until heaven. I know I'm not making any sense.

Annie, I know that you'll probably never read this but...
I was wrong.
I'm sorry.
I miss you.

Things will probably never be the same...
All I can offer you... is this.